The Long Walk to the Tower
by mydukelet42013
Summary: Rachel's contemplating the past and future as she leaves the Rebel Camp for the Tower.
1. Chapter 1

"What am I doing? What am I doing? Leaving Charlie, and leaving Miles again. Am I doing the right thing. What if I am going to make things worse, again? I don't have a very good track record." This was all going through Rachel 's mind at the same time as she walked away from the rebel camp with glassy eyes.

"All I wanted was a family. A family to come home to, a family to love and call my own. A home to come home to, a husband to love, kids to love. I just wanted to have kids, see them grow, walk, talk, play ball, laugh, cry, fall in love. I just wanted what every mother wants. Is that too much to ask? So why did I have to make a deal with the devil, sell my soul, and sacrifice the lives of thousands just for that. It's not fair."

"But life is not fair. And now Danny's gone. Ben is dead. What was the sacrifice and all for? And, am I making the same mistake again trying to turn the power on? Was Miles right - that there is no good guy. Power corrupts. Killing with sticks and stones is bad enough. Now I am planning on giving them power to nuke themselves. But if I don't try, Bass will nuke us all. Why should he be the only one with power."

"But giving up Charlie again, giving up Miles? Would that be worth it? I have lost Ben and Danny. But Miles and Charlie are still alive. I gave Miles up a long time ago for a home and family. But after last night, maybe I have not really lost him. Maybe his feelings have not changed. Maybe somewhere in this crazy world we still have a chance together? I still remember the ultimatum I gave him like it was just yesterday. If you leave for the Marines, it's over between us. Or were you just pushing him away, Rachel, I tell myself. You knew he was bent on joining the Marines and he was definitely not ready to settle down. He was not the marrying kind, not then. Or maybe he was - married to the Marines, to his convictions, to his sense of what was right or wrong, however that turned out."

"But he has changed, or at least he is trying to. You have seen that. It was only three weeks' ago that you thought he may hurt Charlie. Now you would not have left if he was not there for Charlie. You trust him with more than your life. You trust him with your only living child's life. Maybe you were wrong about him all these years."

Rachel's mind drifted back to when they first met.


	2. Chapter 2

Miles knocked on Ben's door, but all he could hear were voices and some background music. He turned the door knob and the door opened. There were like twenty odd people standing around in the living room and dining area, all immaculately dressed. At least compared to the rough cargo pants and checked shirt he had on. He took a quick glance around the room, and saw Ben talking to a flawlessly dressed and groomed, blonde lady. Not that she needed to be, as she was quite striking on her own without the accessories. Either she was truly beautiful, or else it was the effects of four months of deprivation of female companionship at the oil rig. Ben had his back towards Miles and did not see him. Miles carefully inched his way through the groups of people to where Ben was.

"Hey, Benjamin," Miles began.

Ben turned before he could continue. "Miles! What are you doing here? You were supposed to arrive only on Sunday," he said and then gave his brother a quick hug.

"Yeah, but we completed the work earlier, so I took the earlier flight. Actually we ran into some issues with the machinery at the rig, so had to stop. I have to be back there in about a week or so," Miles explained.

"Well, a weeks' good. We can catch up," Ben smiled. It had been too long since he last saw his brother, and he welcomed the visit.

"I see you have company,' Miles eyes trailed to the blonde lady who had been watching them with keen eyes.

Ben turned to Rachel and said, "oh yes, Rachel, this is my wayward brother, Miles. Miles, Rachel Mitchell, my co-worker at Defense Resources. If you'll excuse me for a while, I need to catch Pete before he leaves."

Since that first moment, Rachel knew she had met her match in life. As Miles stared and then smiled, she was lost. He did not look a lot like Ben, but as they chatted, she noticed some mannerisms that both brothers shared.

It seemed peculiar where their conversation was leading to as they were practically strangers, but the conversation seemed to flow so easily with them. Soon it felt like they were old friends, and the only two people left in the room, although they were surrounded by voices and laughter.

"Let me get you a drink and let's go to a quieter part of the house," Miles suggested after a few minutes. "I thought working on a rig was loud, but this is ridiculous."

"So, you work with Benjamin…..," he let his last sentence linger.

"Yes, we work on the same project, and actually we're here today celebrating the grant renewal for another 5 years," Rachel expounded.

"So you just work together…..you're not, you know," he fished.

Rachel gave him her typical half smile. "No, we are not, you know. We are just good friends."

"In that case, have dinner with me tomorrow," Miles said, while holding her captive with his eyes.

"And I thought the purpose of your visit was to catch up with your brother," Rachel questioned.

"So, he'll have my undivided attention from 7 to 7. I'll pick you at 8," he said without hesitation.

...

* * *

"Thanks for a great dinner. I had a wonderful time," Rachel said when Miles was walking her to her front door.

"The night is still young. How about you inviting me in for coffee?" Miles hoped.

With a quizzly look, Rachel stated "you don't drink coffee."

"I'm not fussy, I'll take whatever you are offering," he gave her that charming smile.

"Miles, first of all, you and I know that if you step through that door, you're not going back to Ben's place. And secondly, I don't invite strange men into my house after a first date."

"Well, you must admit, we got to know each other much more last night then during any first date. And I did get you a drink, so technically that could count as a first date."

Rachel laughed, unlocked the door and pulled Miles into the house, claiming defeat with a "you win."

...

* * *

"Miles, you have not told Rachel that you have to leave for Iraq at the end of the summer have you?" Ben asked worriedly. "You know her history with the Military. You have to tell her."

"Oh, Ben, we'll work it out when the time comes," Miles responded, but getting worried.

"Miles, I have warned you not to hurt her. Her mother left her family because she could not spend life as a military wife. Then she lost her father and brother to the military. I'm telling you this is serious."

"You sound like you are in love with her yourself," Miles accused. Looking at his brother, he stated, "you do love her."

Ben could not look directly into his brother's eyes, "she loves you," he said quietly. "So you have to talk to her and tell her. She thinks you are heading back for the rigs. I tell you that she is very sensitive about the military."

"Yeah, yeah, I know, I know. But you know that this is something I have to do, where I have to go. It's not forever, she'll wait," he said trying to convince himself that this is what Rachel would do. After a few minutes, he picked up his coat and said, "I'm going over to Rachel's now."

...

* * *

"Miles, hi, what's up?" Rachel, planting a kiss on his lips, asked in surprise. "I thought you were running errands with Ben today."

"We have to talk," Miles responded quietly. He did not waste any more time and explained everything to her, that he had to leave for the Marines in two months' time and will be heading back to Iraq. "I signed up for another term, but I'll be done in 6 years."

Rachel was quiet for what seemed a very long time, even if it was actually less than a minute. "I thought you said you were done with the Commandos when you joined the oil rig two years ago."

"Yeah, I was," Miles explained impatiently, "but you know what's happening today. I need to be there." He paused, "Rachel, listen to me," Miles said, holding her face and looking into her eyes, "I love you. And I will be back. And I promise, I am not going back there again. Wait for me."

"Yeah," Rachel pushed away his hands and turned around, "I've heard that before." "They always go back," talking to herself more than to Miles. She turned back to face Miles. "We have been together for three months, and you are telling me this now? You know how I feel about the military, you knew! I know how long it takes to confirm a deployment. You must have known about this weeks or months ago."

Miles moved forward to touch Rachel, but she moved back. "No, step back, please. I can't do this, Miles. I am not living through that life again, not ever."

"Rachel, please," he pleaded.

She was shouting now, and she hardly ever raise her voice, "Don't. Stop, just stop. If you leave for the Marines, Miles, we are done. I am serious. I swear, it's over."

"Rachel, please, listen to me, this is something I have to do, where I have to go now. Please understand." Miles pleaded further.

Very calmly Rachel walked over and opened her door. "You can go, go to your Marines, go and do whatever your conscience tells you to do. Just don't expect me to follow you."

And Rachel never saw Miles again until after the blackout.


	3. Chapter 3

Ben did not see Miles again until several years after the wedding and several years after Charlie and Danny were born. They invited Miles to the wedding, but never expected him to show up or even respond to the invitation. They invited him when Charlie celebrated her first birthday, but he did not turn up.

Ben and Miles did speak to each other over the phone, but it was far and between, and Miles did meet his niece and nephew a couple of times. Both times, carefully planned, when Rachel was away on business. That was one topic that was off limits for both brothers, they both knew, if they wanted to hang on to their already fraying relationship. The last time they spoke was the few seconds before the blackout.

Ben never knew how Miles found out where he, Rachel and family had settled down, just outside of Chicago, at Sylvania Estates. But as Commanding General of the Monroe Republic, he guess Miles had his sources. One day, about seven years after the blackout, a letter came addressed to Rachel. It was typed,

"Your presence is requested by order of the Monroe Republic. Present yourself at the Old Crater Barn by Abess Farm and Old Dominion Road by the end of the week." Then handwritten and unsigned below it - "This is actually not a request, if you want your family to remain safe and protected."

"You do not need to go," Ben said to Rachel firmly, "Miles will not hurt us."

"Ben, he has changed. You've heard the stories, the rumors. Can you associate the brother you knew with those stories, the bloodshed, the fear?" Rachel questioned.

Ben kept silent.

After a while, Rachel continued, "just let me go and see what he wants." "But I think you are right. Whatever our history or whatever he is now, I don't think he will intentionally hurt me. I'll be fine, and I'll be back before you know it."

...


	4. Chapter 4

Looking at the cuffs on her hands, Rachel snapped, "Is this really necessary? It is not as though you had to gag and drag me here."

With a stern and expressionless face, Miles retorted, "Well, I am sure you did not come here because you missed me."

"Oh," Rachel replied, "I could have just stayed at home, and," pronouncing every word distinctly, "watch you hurt my family."

"Your family...," Miles repeated cynically to himself.

Since that first meeting, after more than a decade apart, their exchanges have been tense.

For the next few years it did not get any better. Rachel could never be sure what went on in Miles' mind. But gone was the man with the charming smile, the laughing eyes and the carefree spirit. Instead what was left was a shell of a shadow of a man who was cold, guarded and cruel. The stories and rumors they had heard at home in Sylvania Estates were all true. In fact, they had been watered down. Hearing the whispers in the corridors, the banter between the guards and the sights from outside her room window, Rachel saw and heard only of destruction, death and more deaths.

However, sometimes, for that split second, she glimpsed the fatigue, melancholy and loneliness in Miles' eyes. It was such times when she wanted to go to him, escape from this black hole they were in and whisper sweet nothings to him like she did umpteen years ago. But he was always quick to check himself, and those moments were gone almost as soon as they appeared.

There were, unfortunately, numerous more times when Miles and Rachel argued, taunted each other and clashed. And almost always, hurtful and angry words were hurled at each other. Most spiteful of them all was that Miles actually believed and blamed Rachel for breaking up their relationship and making him the person he was now.

On one fearful incident, drunk and in a fit of rage, Miles cried out, "you were mine first," ripped Rachel's clothes off, and was close to raping her. But he suddenly stopped when she screamed Ben's name. However bad-ass and ruthless Miles may have become, it seemed that he still had some respect, and maybe a soft spot, for his only brother. Mumbling, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I promise I will not touch you again," he left Rachel's room.

After that fateful night, Miles cautiously kept his distance, or was only present when Bass or someone else was around.

For years, Rachel had refused to give Miles and Bass any substantial information. She managed to create believable fabrications of the truth, plausible half-truths and absolute misinformation. After a while, slowly dragging the inevitable, it was hard to tell the difference.

The last few months before Miles disappeared, he seemed more stressed and agitated with his position in the Monroe Republic. His relationship with Bass seemed strained, although Rachel could not pin-point the exact reason or the exact time this had started.

However, with Rachel, Miles seemed to have mellowed down. At one point, from the glances he gave her, Rachel even thought he was going to release her and let her return to Ben and her kids.

She was rudely awakened to the truth when Bass just laughed it into her face that Miles had played her. And that Miles had left her as Bass' prisoner to do as he pleased, while Miles left to sow his wild oats for fresh conquests.

Rachel never saw Miles again until that delightful day when she stabbed that sick son of a bitch.

"But Miles had thought I was dead, and he did say that he would never have left me if he thought I was still alive," Rachel pondered.

"How could I have been so gullible to believe Bass after all that he did to me, and knowing what a monster he is?" she questioned herself.

Feeling as broken and torn as the night Charlie had stopped her from killing Neville, she sobbed, "what does it matter now, anyway? If I succeed in this quest, or die trying, I'll never see Miles or Charlie ever again."

She thought to herself, "at least they have each other, and father and daughter are finally reunited."

"And this secret will die with me."


End file.
